I have decided not to continue with this blog for the simple reason that I should not be reliving the past but focusing on the now and potential futures I have.
Last year I struggled hard against depression for various reasons which included separation from my partner of 30 years and, if that wasn’t devastating enough, the near death of one of my children. Throughout that period Sue had supported me and work had been tremendous including paying for a life coaching course which I attended in November 2013. That course changed me and allowed me to accept that my relationship with my partner had changed but that we still spoke, didn’t argue or fight and remain friends. The course also opened me up to myself and I realised this week that I must stop reliving the past and start living.
Sue’s partner reverted to his old ways and left her and the children again and she reintroduced me to the children and I visited her house for birthdays etc.
However Sue has twice this year told me “I do not want a relationship with you” by text. After the first I was really low again and struggled until exactly a year after getting back in touch she sent me another text and we saw each other again. I spent more time with her and her children and we had meals and spent time together until just over a week ago I got the second text. Sue loves him “to bits” despite all he has done to her but especially the children. Her last text ended “I know this will upset you”, wrong I was devastated.
Enough is enough and I can now see that despite me being totally honest and open with Sue as to the extent of my feelings and what I wished for hers are very different. She wants him back despite everything and I cannot understand why except that “love is blind” and Love has blinded me to that fact as I thought I could help Sue overcome her potential self destructive desires by her realising that I could offer her so much more than he could and to the children as well.
So I have decided (again) to move on from Sue, to try and find someone else (with the blessing of my ex-partner) to live my life with. Maybe I will and maybe I won’t, the future is not yet written and only I can affect my emotions.
I am a good, kind, generous, caring and loveable man.